Wedding Planning - ToTheWedding

What's a Mother (of the Groom) To Do?

A wedding is a time of great anticipation and excitement, yet often a time of uncertainty as well. Everyone wants the wedding to proceed smoothly and to provide many happy memories, but sometimes it is not clear how to make that happen. Although the bride and groom play the main roles both at the wedding and in the wedding planning, other close family members also have parts that make the wedding more meaningful and well organized. Everyone is aware of the traditions that dictate that the father of the bride will pay for the wedding services and that the best man will take the groom out before he heads down to the altar, yet there still remains some uncertainty when it comes to the role of the mother of the groom. However, the mother of the groom can enhance the delight of the day by following these guidelines.

Initiate Contact

Upon hearing the news of the upcoming wedding, a friendly first step for the groom's mother is to contact the bride’s family. The best way to initiate contact depends on the distance and any previous friendship between the families of the bride and groom. If the bride’s parents live some distance away then a cordial letter, phone call, or email would do a nice job as an icebreaker. If the two families live near each other, a phone call expressing their happiness about the marriage and perhaps an invitation to dinner would be in order. A comfortable meal at the home of the parents of the groom or an evening out at a nice restaurant would be a kind gesture and well received by the parents of the bride. If the couple’s families are already friends, then a dinner invitation or even a more elaborate celebration might be appropriate.

Offer Help

Planning the wedding includes many small details that must be attended to. The groom’s mother can offer her services to assist the bride. This is especially considerate if the groom’s mother has some talent that might be especially helpful to make the big day a success, such as craft, floral, or decorating skills. Or the groom's parents can offer to pick up out-of-town visitors from the airport. The groom's family should be sure any rented tuxedos are returned after the wedding. Without a specific offer of help, the bride may be reluctant to ask for assistance from the groom’s mother.

Guest List

After conferring with the bride’s family on the number of guests to be invited to both the wedding and the reception, a guest list should be compiled and delivered to the bride’s mother. Be sure to include the guest’s complete name (including children, if invited) and complete address (including zip code). Remember to keep the number of invited guests to the agreed upon number, so as not to inconvenience the bride’s family.

Locate Guest Accommodations

The groom's family is responsible for locating accommodations for those guests they have invited who live out of town. The needs will vary depending on the situation. If the wedding is in the home town of the groom, a few close family members may simply stay in the home of the groom's family, or a number of rooms might need to be reserved at a nearby hotel. If the wedding is more distant, the guests may wish to have a reservation at the same hotel in which the groom’s family is staying. The groom’s mother should follow up on the invitations to be sure everyone who has traveled to the wedding has some place to stay.

Dress Coordination

The dress the mother of the groom wears to the wedding should go with the style and colors of the wedding. Especially for the pictures, all the dresses should compliment each other. The dress should never be white, but a neutral color or a lighter shade of the bridesmaid’s dresses is often good. Although black is sometimes acceptable today, previously it was considered inappropriate because black was a sign of disapproval, so be sure to check with the bride before choosing a black dress.

The mother of the groom usually waits to purchase a dress for the wedding until the bride’s mother has chosen a dress and described it to her, so their dresses will be the same length and style, although they do not need to match. Plus, they don’t want to end up wearing the same dress.

The length and style will depend on the time and formality of the wedding. For a very formal wedding the mothers should wear floor-length gowns with coordinating accessories and wear corsages or carry small bouquets. For a semi-formal wedding the mothers should wear a street-length, elegant dress or suit with coordinating accessories and a corsage. For an informal wedding the dress can again be a nice street-length dress or suit with coordinating accessories and a corsage. But if the wedding is in a very informal location, like a beach, the dress should be chosen to be appropriate to the situation.

Rehearsal Dinner

The family of the groom provides the rehearsal dinner, but coordination with the bride is necessary so that the time and location work well with the other wedding events. Everyone who takes part in the wedding should be invited to the dinner, usually including a guest of their choice or the parents of any children in the wedding. The dinner can vary from a back yard barbecue at the groom’s family home to a formal dinner requiring the reservation of an entire wing of Commander's Palace. The tastes and means of the groom's family are the considerations for the rehearsal dinner; it's a time of celebration and everyone will enjoy himself or herself.

Wedding Arrival

Do your part to lessen the stress of the wedding day. Be at the location at the designated time, or earlier. Double check to be sure everything is ready and any last minute errands are done long before you need to leave for the wedding.

Wedding Role

Traditionally, when the wedding is to begin, the lead groomsman or usher escorts the groom's mother down the aisle to the first pew on the right hand side. However, there are many instances where the groom himself escorts his mother to her place of honor at the head of the audience, or any number of other variations. At times a mother of the groom will light a candle from which a unity candle will be lit or will receive flowers from the bride or groom. Because of the wide variation that is possible, the exact details of the wedding role will be worked out and practiced at the wedding rehearsal, usually the night before the wedding.

Receiving Line Role

After the wedding the mother of the groom has the final job of receiving the guests to the reception and introducing them to the bride and her parents as the guests move through the receiving line. The traditional, formal receiving line order (bride’s mother, groom’s father, groom’s mother, bride’s father, bride, groom, maid of honor, and best man) allows the guests to be introduced easily, but may be too long if there are many guests. The bride may vary or shorten the receiving line. The most important role in the receiving line is to have a welcoming smile and a greeting for each guest who has come to honor the newlyweds with their presence.